Wednesday, April 10, 2019, ϟ 0 shout(s)
After almost 4 years of break up, I still annoyed him. Sending him long messages eventhough I know he will never reply it. His best friend told me he's getting married. I dont know either its for real or just for the sake to make me move on. If yes, Congratulations. I believe that girl can take a good care of you, your family and your future kids. And I do believe that you are going to be a good Husband, Dad and son and brother in law. You are nice. At one point, I feel stupid to spamming him. What if he already move on? Every time he received my message, he probably go, "minah ni nak apa lagi. blah je lah" Then, it make me stop contact him, till now.
Few months ago, I told his best friend, "Wanna know something crazy and stupid? I think I like you". But at the same time, I feel bad. They are best friend. This the moment when I realise, I shouldnt like him and have a hope. I should focus on myself and on moving on. And now, also him push me away. He deactivated everything.
I think, I dont deserve anyone. People just hate me. I am a bad person (sometimes, I wish, when someone talk bout me, they will go, awwww that girl so nice. She's good right). They just gonna go and left me. This the reason why I am afraid to know new people. My own best friend, left me. People might say, me as a best friend should respect him and let him happy with his girlfriend. Why being clingy. I do respect him. I do happy he has someone that he can love and always be there for him but sometimes you just missed the moment you spent together as a friend. My ex left me because I am a bad partner. His best friend left me. Everyone just gonna go. No one gonna stay and be by our sides all the times. So what's the point knowing new person as you know one day they gonna go? Only Him and yourself you have.
If anyone ask me, why I still dont have a Boyfriend, besides because I am ugly and havent move on, because I am afraid that person gonna leave me soon. I hate at saying good byes. I may look fine, but I am not. So, getting one is never in my list and will never look for it at least until I can be good to myself and everyone else.